The Line
Living Fully, Step By Step
I entered the elevator with a basket of laundry and pressed the button for my floor. A few floors later, an elderly man shuffled in and pressed a button for a few floors above mine. After a brief “Good morning,” he asked, “Oh, you’re starting work early?”
Knowing exactly what he meant, I played dumb.
“Starting work? Early?” I smiled, feigning confusion.
“You know, working for someone here,” he clarified.
“Oh no,” I replied, glancing up to see how many floors were left before mine—gauging how much time I had to respond.
“I’m actually retired after nearly 35 years in executive human resources. And I’ve lived in this building for almost 19 years.”
“You’ve lived here longer than I have,” a hint of surprise echoed in his voice.
“Isn’t that something?” I smiled at his puzzled face.
He grasped for words and found some.
“You look too young to be retired.” An awkward silence filled the elevator as it pinged from floor to floor. “So, how are you enjoying retirement?” His expression shifted toward curiosity.
“Well,” I responded, “I’m the author of an award-winning book, a life coach, keynote speaker, actress, and singer when I’m not doing my laundry.” I smiled, nodding at my pile of warm, unfolded laundry.
He lowered his head and shuffled from foot to foot, probably realizing his faux pas.
“That’s wonderful! But you sound so busy. Why not use the laundry service the building offers?”
I simply smiled and replied, “I like to do my own laundry.”
The elevator announced my floor, and the doors opened. I stepped out with, “Have a great day, sir.”
“Okay, see you around, neighbor,” he said, still gawking as the doors closed behind me.
Living in a luxury building on the Upper East Side of Manhattan comes with many wonderful amenities and comforts. However, it also brings subtle—and not so subtle—assumptions that a Black woman must be a maid or a domestic worker.
My encounter with that older man could have turned confrontational, wasting energy fixating on things that truly don’t matter. At 80-plus years old, what would peppering him with questions really accomplish? Why assume I work here instead of just doing my laundry? Could the color of my skin have anything to do with your assumption? Do you routinely ask every person you ride with in the elevator if they work here?
I already knew the answers. He drew his conclusions based on ingrained beliefs, perspectives, and learned behaviors.
Those are his.
I chose my peace over a pointless confrontation with an old man whose 80 years of views weren’t about to change, and whose biases couldn’t be obliterated during a short elevator ride. But it could have disrupted my peace. Not an option.
Choosing Peace Over Conflict
We waste so much time fixating on things that truly don’t matter. If someone cuts you off on the highway, you don’t know them and likely will never see them again. You’re not hurt. Keep it moving. Peace protected.
If someone doesn’t say thank you after you hold the door for them, will you even remember that they didn’t in a few hours? Forget about it. Peace protected.
If you find out someone said something negative about you, will it matter on your deathbed? No? Then let it go. Peace protected.
Sometimes our choices, impulsive responses, and imagination trap us in unnecessary suffering—turning fleeting neutral comments or inconsequential events into pain, endless rumination, and anxiety.
Your time here is limited. Don’t waste it on that stuff.
I’m reminded of something I heard recently that has stayed with me:
Our lives are like standing in a line, moving us closer to the front. We don’t know how many people are behind us or ahead, or our place in the line. But we know we are moving closer to the front, which may come in decades or minutes.
So not one single moment should be wasted while we are on this line of life with what does not truly matter.
Ever heard the saying, “You are as young as you will ever be today”? Let that simmer.
Folks, the load gets a lot lighter when we stop carrying what isn’t ours. Others’ beliefs, behaviors, and assumptions are theirs, fueled by their past traumas, beliefs, and indoctrinations. Leave it with them. Why carry their stuff and yours?
Instead, practice being the champion of your own peace.
Points to ponder:
All You Have is Now
Life isn’t passing us by; we’re rushing past it with our to-do lists, daily hustle, and the rush to finish one task only to start another - building and creating. All productive but an imbalanced existence if you are not truly present in life’s magnificence and the magic that surrounds us—the air in our lungs, a child’s laughter, the grandeur of a star-filled sky, an elderly couple holding hands, a puppy at play, chirping birds…the list is endless.
When we really take a moment to pause and look around, we see and feel the grandness and magic of being alive. So slow down, take a breath, and breathe in those often overlooked brilliant snapshots in the mosaic of life’s moments.
Life is happening right now, and it deserves our full attention.
Speak Kindly to Yourself
The universe is listening.
Your inner dialogue shapes not just how you feel about yourself but also how you approach life. When you offer yourself words of encouragement instead of criticism, you’re laying down a path to better and more fulfilling days ahead. So when you catch yourself being harsh, pause and switch gears. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to a friend. You deserve nothing less.
Stop Being So Creative!
Is it happening, or is it just a creative story you tell yourself? Many times, we suffer more over things we created in our minds that never happened and maybe never will. We conjure up 500 imaginary versions of one problem—leaving us anxious and terrified of the unknown.
So what story are you running with today?
Make it a good one and avoid the fears of a bad future and the pain of a rough past.
For the Love of God… Move On
Real power isn’t controlling the world around you—it’s controlling what you allow into your mind: grudges, hate, and unforgiveness—which only bind us to things we should have left behind long ago.
The mind loves to hunt and dredge up regrets from the past or fears of the future, anything to ruin the miracle of - NOW.
What happened, happened. Now choose what happens next—and move on. Worrying about tomorrow doesn’t improve it—it ruins today.
True peace comes when you stop resisting what you cannot control. Your past and future are just thoughts; what you truly have is this moment. Be present. Now.
Meet The Not “Everys”
Crucial lessons in self-care:
Not everyone should have access to you.
Not every opinion deserves your energy.
Not every situation deserves a reaction.
Be selective about how you spend your time and who and what you spend your energy on.
Choose wisely.
The Fragility of Life
Power, wealth, and accolades are temporary. Time is more powerful than all of us. Life can flip in a second. Abruptly and stunningly. One unexpected moment and everything changes. Nothing is guaranteed. Yet we become so caught up in titles, belongings, identities, and who we want people to think we are.
What will never change is your heart and character.
Let that be the focus.
Stop Focusing on the Smoke Alarm
Smoke alarms are designed to alert us of potential danger. In life, our “smoke alarms” sometimes show up as intense emotions like rage, anxiety, depression, and fear, demanding our immediate attention, alerting us of something bigger, quietly damaging.
Beneath this alarm lies the fire—the traumas and unresolved conflicts.
Instead of getting caught up in the symptoms (smoke alarms), ask: Where’s the fire? The root causes of our struggles. Find them.
Unwrap them.
Sit with them.
Figure out how to let them go.
Let them go.
As we navigate this line of life, let’s remember: every moment is a gift, and how we choose to experience it shapes not just our own journey but also the world around us. So, live louder. Appreciate deeper, and create awesome memories.
The line is moving forward. Enjoy every step and make them count.
You, my love, are a rockstar!
I love you. ❤️
P.S. I will be performing a reprise of my keynote cabaret, The Gift of the Setback on Friday, July 17th at Don’t Tell Mama in NYC.
343 West 46th Street (Between 8th & 9th Avenues)
Friday, July 17th
7:00 PM (Seating starts at 6:15 PM)
For reservations:
Phone: 646-637-2806
or
Email: tanya@donttellmamanyc.com
